The Mad Crush and The Horse’s Ass

Chateau Petrogasm, I LOVE you. I want to pop several corks with you, and find myself in a compromising position in the morning. Yes, I’d even do the walk of shame for you, Chateau Petrogasm. My butt is firmly planted on the bandwagon. I’ll be your largest sycophantic follower.

What in the heck is Chateau Petrogasm?

It is a wine review website, of course. What did you think it was?

Why all the gushing?

Because the lovely folk at Chateau Petrogasm have boiled the art of wine reviewing down to it’s purest form. Never before have I seen a more brilliant take on the whole industry. Their style exposes the feeling of the wine, in a way that transcends words, obliterates language barriers and says more than any verbose wine label, sniffy descriptor or hoity-toity tasting note could accomplish.

How do they achieve such a feat?

Simple. They just post one image as the wine review. A photograph. That’s it. No aromatic intangibles. No descriptions of dirt or vines or climate. No lengthy discourses on flavors you’ll never pick up on. One picture.

As a graphic designer and wine lover, I am in awe of the simplicity of their wine reviewing tactics. Jealous as hell I didn’t think of it, but mainly, I want to bear Chateau Petrogasm’s love child. And if I could drink all of those spendy wines in the process, that wouldn’t hurt either.

Well played, Chateau Petrogasm. I humbly genuflect. And I’ll see you at 8.

(Click here to see which wine was reviewed with a photo of a horse’s ass.)

Treana Red 2004

Treana Red 2004
$36.99

Wine Label says:
Treana Winery is located in Paso Robles, at the center of California’s Central Coast. Having spent more than two decades developing vineyards in and around Paso Robles, the Treana Red blend reprewsnet grape varieties best suited to the region’s unique calcareous soils and distinctive climate. The Treana vineyards are planted primarily to Cabernet Sauvignon. This proprietary red blend is a complex, elegant wine with up-front, dark fruit characteristics, good tannin structure and a long, silky finish.

Treana wines represents a fresh dimension to our state’s viticultural diversity. SNORE.

Rabbi Tuchman says:
After that lengthy, verbose and somewhat boring label, we decided to make this review concise.

The wine is smooth with a sweet subtle nose. It has hints of coffee and berries. All in all, we really enjoyed this bottle tonight with our chicken dinner salads and will buy another one soon.

Rocket Science 2004

Rocket Science 2004 Proprietary Red
$45

Wine Label says:
“Son, your 21 years old. It’s time you learned the art of wine tasting.”
“I already know how you taste wine,” replied the sure young man. “This wine has an inky, purple hue with a sensational purity, flavors of a blackberry liqueur with a creme de cassis intensity and finishes outrageously rich.”
“I’m impressed,” said the father.
“Well, it’s not exactly Rocket Science.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, my boy. This is indeed Rocket Science.”

WebWino says:
Let’s face it. This is a wine you buy for the label. Great name, great story… and all in all not a bad wine!

I had the good fortune of sharing this bottle with both Rabbi Tuchman and WineDoc. We all noted the deep purple color of the wine and licorice flavors. Also a very smooth finish. The wine changed a lot as it was exposed to air, and after a while Rabbi Tuchman decided it was not their style. Oh well, more for me!

Rocket Science is 32% Syrah, 32% Cabernet Sauvignon, 30% Merlot, 3% Cabernet Franc and 3% Petit Verdot.

BearBoat 2005 Pinot Noir
Sebeka Cabernet Pinotage 2006

BearBoat 2005 Pinot Noir
Sebeka Cabernet Pinotage 2006
$15.99 - BearBoat Pinot Noir
$6.99 - Sebeka Cabernet Pinotage

WebWino says:
Even though I’ve been slacking off with my Vino Keeno site, I most certainly have not been slacking off in the drinking department. However I haven’t been taking notes, so these two get lumped together because they both deserve mention, even if it’s not a full-bodied review.

As you may know, I’m not the biggest fan of Pinots. I mean, I’ll drink them. As I’m fond of saying about any kind of red wine, “It’s red, it’s wet, and it gets better with every glass.” And usually I lump Pinots in that category. However recently I had two opportunities to taste the BearBoat Pinot Noir, and I really enjoyed it. It could have had to do with the fact that both times I was with dear friends (which always makes wine taste better), but I found myself pleasantly surprised by the wine.

I am also a fan of blends, and Cabernet Pinotage was one I’ve never heard of. Sebeka is a wine from South Africa, that I really enjoyed… well, I should have considering I think I drank the whole bottle by myself. Guess that puts it into the “Red, Wet, Better with every glass” category, but I’m fairly certain I was impressed prior to the buzz kicking in.

For what it’s worth, two decent reviews for you. I promise to have more following the holidays. I have plenty to toast this year and lots of yummy wine to toast with. Stay tuned in 2008! Happy holidays!

Four Vines The Peasant 2005

Four VinesThe Peasant 2005
$36

Wine Label says:
Temprance, like chastity, is its own punishment.
40% Mourvedre, 32% Syrah, 17% Grenache, 7% Counoise, 4% Tannat

Rabbi Tuchman says:
This Paso Robles wine gets SIX thumbs up from our dinner group. This is not a subtle wine. The descriptors going around the table were “full bodied” and “sharp.” We also smelled a smokey aroma and tasted a hint of coffee flavor. The finish was classic Syrah… peppery.

All in all, we would recommend this wine heartily.

Rutherford Ranch 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon

Rutherford Ranch 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon
$20-ish

Wine label said:
At Rutherford Ranch we work hard and we work smart to bring you the best values in Napa Valley wine. We strive to create wines with fresh aromas, rich flavors and a smooth balanced finish. Each wine expresses the honest flavor of grapes grown in the Napa Valley.

WebWino & Wine Doc say:
Was this label written by a stodgy corporate America type or what? Works hard and smart? Bring you values? Major Corporate America PR writer flags there.

Regardless, superb wine.

I had the pleasure of sharing this bottle with my trusty fellow wine reviewer, Wine Doc (you know, the one who knows what he’s talking about) and he said this Cab was, “Typical Cabernet, smooth, um… smokey cherry with a long finish. Little cherry, not a real bright cherry. I think it is worth twice the price.”

This is why I love drinking wine with Wine Doc. Because I can’t get past YUMMY. Also Wine Doc threw in this tasty morsel, that this wine was rumored to be from grapes from the Beckstoffer Vineyard, the place that Robert Parker calls “the Tenderloin of Napa Valley.” Cheers to Wine Doc, and Rutherford Ranch!

2006 Muga Roija Blanco

2006 Muga Roija Blanco
$12.99

Wine label said:
Nothing much… it’s barrel fermented and imported by Jorge Ordonez. Whoopdeedoo.

Vineyard66 says:
As I am still researching Spanish wines, I’ve noticed that my good friend Bill from California has been spouting off about Muga Roija. Of course, he was speaking about the red wines the area is famous for. I thought I’d try to one-up him and I tried this white from the same area. Aaaaand, now I know why it is not famous for the white wine.

Muga Roija is 90% Viura, 10% Malvasia and is a pleasant dry white wine. It has some lemon acidity and is very light but ultimately undistintive. No matter. I still have plenty of time to research more Spanish reds before my trip and spend more quality time with Naia Naiades.

Tait The Ball Buster 2005

Tait The Ball Buster 2005
$15

Wine Label says:
G’day Mates,
I don’t know what aromas and flavors you’ll find when you try this wine - wine appreciation is so subjective and often too pretentious for my liking. I make my wines the way i like them - big, thick, juicy an deep in color. I wanted to name this wine “Michelle’s Block” - after my wife. But that conjures up visions of a soft and elegant sort of wine - and trust me mates, this little beauty is nothing like that. She’s broad shouldered, built like a stallion and she packs an intensity of flavor - like only the Barossa can deliver. She’s what I call “The Ball Buster” mate…and so is this wine! Enjoy it - Cheers! Bruno Tait - winemaker

Rabbi Tuchman says: This wine was recommended to me by my favorite wino at Binny’s: Julio. I loved the name of the wine and knew it would be good if Julio recommended as he also turned us on to Justin The Orphan.

So I’m in a grumpy mood, the kids are screaming, the dog is driving me nuts and has been relegated to the crate (again) and I was thirsty. Conveniently, it’s a screw top too.

I was in the mood for an “I don’t want to take anymore shit” kind of wine and this fit the bill. Or it is fitting the bill as I’ve only downed the first glass and plan on drinking the better part of the bottle. He wasn’t kidding about the color. Very dark. Shiraz with attitude. I like that. There is also a little Cabernet and Merlot in the blend but it’s mostly Shiraz. I’m not in the mood for a formal review (and Bruno wouldn’t want me to do it anyway) but suffice to say that this tasty bottle will find it’s way onto my wine rack again soon. The price is right and the boldness of flavors totally work… whether you are pissy or not.

Orogeny Chardonnay 2004

Orogeny Russian River Valley Chardonnay 2004
$22

Rabbi Tuchman says:
We were invited to a friends house for lobster on Father’s day. Yeah, it’s a tough gig. Since we tend to drink more red wine, it was my mission to pick up some Chardonnay while I was out shopping for the meal. I tend to struggle when buying wine because I get intimidated easily. So I bought a bottle of Merryvale Chard which we have had before (and it is very good) and then went out on a limb and picked up this one because I thought it looked good. We usually enjoy stuff from the Russian River valley so it wasn’t a total stab in the dark.

Turns out my instincts were good. This was a very nice bottle. It had a fruity nose and that buttery taste that we really enjoy in our Chardonnays. My better half also picked up on pear, carmel and oak.

We are definitely going to pick up some more bottles of this for Summers on the back deck. This bottle disappeared way too fast.

WebWino says:
Had I posted this review in June when the good Rabbi originally sent it to me, it would have made more sense with the references to Father’s Day and the Summer. It is not the good Rabbi who is confused… just me!

2003 Embriux Priorat de Vall Llach

2003 Embriux Priorat de Vall Llach
$35

Wine label said:
Wrong language! The bottle is no help!

Vineyard66 says:
This another of my series of Spanish wines, as we will be there next year and I’m doing my homework.

The web tells me that Embruix means “betwiching” in Spanish, but also that it is primarily Cabernet and Grenache blend with Carigan, Syrah and Merlot added.

This is really a very good wine from a famous wine area near Barcelona. It was smooth, with cherry and blueberry flavors. We had with beef and it worked well.